Better Marriage: What’s the Biggest Threat to Marriage Today?

Marriage has survived centuries of social change, yet it continues to puzzle us. Today, couples
are more educated, more financially independent and more connected than ever before. We
have unprecedented access to psychology, relationship experts and self-help literature, yet
many marriages continue to struggle—not because two people stop loving one another, but
because they quietly stop enjoying one another’s company.

This reflection begins with one important assumption. It concerns marriages between two
fundamentally well-intentioned people who are both willing to remain accountable for their
behaviour, respect one another’s dignity and continue growing together. It is not intended for
relationships characterised by abuse, coercive control, violence or persistent manipulation,
where safety and specialised intervention must always take precedence. Within healthy
relationships, however, one question deserves far greater attention than it currently receives.
The greatest threat to a marriage is rarely the absence of love. It is the gradual loss of
genuinely liking one another.

For generations, marriage has been discussed almost entirely through the language of love. We
ask whether couples still love each other, how romance can be rekindled or how intimacy can
be restored. Yet love and liking perform different roles within a relationship. Love sustains
commitment; liking sustains companionship. It is liking that makes two people look forward to
sharing a meal, laughing at the same joke, seeking each other’s opinion or simply enjoying each
other’s presence. When liking quietly fades, marriages often continue to function, but they
gradually lose their warmth.

Every marriage begins with liking. Before vows are exchanged, before responsibilities
accumulate and before life’s inevitable challenges arrive, two people simply enjoy being
together. Attraction captures our attention, but liking persuades us to imagine a shared future.
Very few people marry someone they do not genuinely like.
Then life reveals what attraction alone cannot.

Careers demand attention. Children reshape priorities. Financial pressures emerge. Families
bring different expectations. Success, disappointment, illness and ageing gradually uncover two
complete human beings rather than two carefully presented personalities. Most good people do
not intentionally become difficult spouses. More often, they react to life without fully
understanding themselves or the person standing beside them. Behaviour is interpreted before
it is understood. Silence is mistaken for indifference, criticism for rejection and emotional
withdrawal for lack of love. Assumptions quietly replace curiosity.

While writing my forthcoming book, Better Marriage, I had the privilege of engaging in several
thoughtful discussions with His Holiness Rajrajeshwar Guruji. Those conversations did not
provide ready-made answers; instead, they challenged me to ask better questions. One
question remained with me long after our discussions had ended: What does it truly mean to
continue liking one’s spouse after years of marriage?
The more I reflected upon that question, the more I realised that perhaps liking had never been
a trivial emotion. It may be one of the clearest indicators that a relationship has matured beyond
attraction and entered the realm of conscious partnership. Attraction introduces two people to
one another, but understanding determines whether they continue to enjoy each other’s
presence.

Sanatan Dharma has always encouraged us to observe life through cycles rather than straight
lines. The Kaalchakra reminds us that everything emerges, evolves and ultimately returns to its
source. Within this philosophy, Shiva symbolises completeness of consciousness. Reflecting
upon this symbolism, I began to see a similar pattern within marriage.
Marriage begins with pasand.

The first liking is largely unconscious. It is born of attraction, curiosity and possibility. Life then
reveals fears, insecurities, habits, emotional needs and differences that attraction alone could
never see. If two people remain willing to observe before judging, stay curious before becoming
certain and seek understanding before demanding to be understood, marriage gradually returns
to pasand once again. Yet this is no longer the liking of first impressions. It is the conscious
liking that grows after two people have witnessed one another’s imperfections, taken
responsibility for their own behaviour and chosen understanding over assumption.
Marriage, in its highest expression, completes its own Kaalchakra.

As I continued observing relationships across different cultural and professional settings, I
realised that what many couples lacked was not love, but a practical language for understanding
one another. That search eventually became the foundation of Relationship Intelligence—a
practical framework that integrates timeless philosophical wisdom with contemporary
behavioural understanding. Rather than asking couples merely to communicate better, it
encourages them to observe more deeply, become curious before drawing conclusions and
develop the maturity to understand another person’s reality without abandoning their own.
Equally important, Relationship Intelligence never presents understanding as a substitute for
accountability. In healthy marriages, both partners must grow together. Understanding without
accountability becomes enabling; accountability without understanding becomes punishment.
Lasting relationships require both.

My first book, Wifed in India, explored these ideas through the lived experiences of marriage
within the Indian cultural context, examining how tradition, identity and changing expectations
influence relationships. The conversations it generated convinced me that people were
searching for more than relationship advice. They were searching for a deeper way of
understanding one another.

My forthcoming book, Better Marriage, extends that journey by presenting Relationship
Intelligence as a practical framework for modern relationships. It explores how two good people
can navigate differences without losing respect, preserve individuality without sacrificing
connection and rediscover genuine liking through conscious understanding.
A better marriage is not one without conflict, nor is it one in which one partner silently endures
or sacrifices themselves for the other. It is one in which two well-intentioned people remain
equally committed to understanding one another, taking responsibility for their own behaviour,
respecting healthy boundaries and continuing to grow together.
Perhaps that has been marriage’s invitation all along.
It begins with liking.

Life gradually reveals who we truly are.
Understanding gives that liking the opportunity to return—not as infatuation, but as conscious
appreciation.
When two people can look at one another after years of ordinary life and sincerely say,
“I know
you far better today than when we first met, and I genuinely like the person you have become,
”
marriage has not merely endured.
It has evolved.
Perhaps that is what a better marriage truly means.
by Siya – Australia.